Generally psychologists hold the opinion that you have to have a self before you have a supposedly healthy relationship. I don't think that a sense of self is necessary to having a relationship really, and lots of Hispanics, Chinese and India Indians agree with you - how can 4 billion people be wrong?

But the common psychological opinion in our culture (of the self being indispensible to a good relationship) addresses responsibility & respect. Otherwise people tend to get very blurry about what is their responsibility and what is their partner's.
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