The weirdest thing about getting older is...your peer group starts dying. Relationships that have spanned decades suddenly vanish.
There's a strange routine that happens when people die...and it seems really tragic to me. People recognize how someone dying deserves attention. Every culture offers some recognition of those who are left behind. People feel a responsibility to show up to demonstrate their support...then they leave. It's as if it was a social visit. But it wasn't. It was a wake or a graveside service or a funeral.
People who are grieving need to be present with those offering them support - not just a visit, but in an ongoing way. Social mores that require "not making a pest of yourself" would require staying gone for the customary amount of time until the next visit. There are so many ways to grieve, that friends and family often feel awkward offering their help and wonder if they're supposed to "leave alone" the whole issue. They know bringing up the "elephant in the room" will hurt the person, so they more commonly back off.
Those feeling grief are confused and so often feel awkward initiating contact again with their friends who know they are grieving. So everyone is more often left to suffer alone and isolated...which is probably not so constructive. Perhaps asking for more contact, it's against the customs of what constitutes a "Social Visit?" Somehow the grieving person is supposed to "get over it" in a "reasonable" amount of time. Nobody defines what is "reasonable" about how much time that is.
It's just not even a necessary suffering. If those who are vulnerable would somehow indicate to their friends they need more contact... Or something like that.
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