1.  I've been watching a 24 year old guy on YouTube who's interviewing older people he meets randomly and asks them how old they are and other general questions about what it's like to be the age they are.

    I thought I might answer some of these here, now that I'm older myself.

    If I answered the first question about my age, I don't think my answer would be useful to many people because of the unique choices I've made about how I wanted to live my life. One of the best things has been that I've avoided getting addicted to "adult" type pastimes. I've only had to deal with getting paunchier from not knowing how to deal with what might be unique dietary issues. You cannot imagine how much respect over the years I've received from those who got to know me - all from not having adopted vices. 

    If I were being asked for a three to five minute answer as an example, I'd mention how my adoption of a number of mentors had driven the expression of my multi-creative interests. Accepting that I was a multi-talent with needs to express multiple interests was key to my own self-knowledge. I would be in trouble if I tried to live my life like "normal people" did; these multiple interests would act like gremlins if they weren't taken out and exercised.

    I also made some rare life decisions - such as not to spawn my own children. I didn't have anything against parenting and spent eleven years being a step parent. I didn't make this decision to not have my own kids lightly. I had significant health issues that I was told were hereditary. There was always the lucky chance that the person I chose to have kids with would prevail in the physical gene pool, improving my potential for healthy children - but I thought that passing on of these health issues that have affected my entire life would be debilitating, selfish and mean to do to anyone.

    Plus, I really couldn't afford to be a parent because of these health issues, especially given the high likelihood I would become a single parent. Though the rest of my relatives have long-term relationships with no problems, I seemed to routinely choose very unique guys to couple up with who were somewhat to very difficult people. (For instance, my current relationship is going through a rough spot right now because of his personal challenges that I'm really hoping will be resolved in positive ways.)

    There were other questions that @sprougt asked those he encountered...something like, "if you had advice to pass on to younger people, what would it be?" 
    I'd say, especially if you're a smart person, be sure to study and improve on your own communications skills, especially your ability to speak about subjective, emotional topics. Because if you discover information or an invention - anything notable or specialized, you're going to want to be able to present it so stupid people who happen to have money so they can support your inventions.

    "What was a big risk you took in your life that you learned a big lesson from?"
    Hitchhiking isn't as risky as people made it out to be. I met so many interesting people, (some of whom became fantastic friends.) Hitchhiking did make me more observant so I could avoid possible problems; turns out that using my intuition over and over again protected me. Happily, intuition and reading body language cues could be learned and trained over time.  

    There were more questions, and of course I can answer the ones differently - but I'll do that next time...
      

    Posted by
    0

    Add a comment



  2. This is this phenomena that my best friend refers to as "Beer Thinking."  But I imagine it's better explained with the term, "Productive Procrastination."
     
    For instance, I bought these "desert boots" to walk on this road pictured above when it's raining and muddy. These boots need to be sprayed with some Rustoleum concoction that seals the leather so rain and mud roll off of it. I haven't done it yet, because it needs to be pre-sealed before the final treatment. This pre-seal needs to happen multiple times and to be allowed to dry in between these applications. This stuff is toxic and needs to be applied outside because it's in a spray form; but outside of where I am now is full of mosquitoes. So each time I'd need to go outside in order to spray on another application, I'd need to apply some more toxic anti-mosquito stuff on myself if I don't want to get eaten. Then wait for an hour with this stuff on me while it dries in between the three or four necessary applications and do it again and again.
    Well, that's many steps with waiting in between so that's why I haven't done it yet. Now that I think about it, this means I just spelled out what it is I was resisting about the whole thing.

    Duh - I could take the project to another spot protected from the rain but outside where there aren't as many mosquitoes. Good idea! That idea is the result of "Productive Procrastination."

    If I'd gone ahead with pushing to get something done - it would have turned out to be unnecessarily difficult, because I wouldn't have thought of the easier solution that just emerged while I was telling this example. Because I procrastinated, (and spelled out what about the project makes me not want to do it,) I found a better way, (better as defined by our various values, like efficient, easier, cleaner, less poisonous, etc.)

    I have always been attracted to people who were slightly or outright pushy and even thoughtless. By working with these kinds of people, they got me inspired to not drop the ball entirely while my "Productive Procrastination," Beer Thinking" or "back burner" was was in force.

    But it's also possible to procrastinate so long that the intended project NEVER gets done.

    For instance, my idea about what I came to call "The Arranger's Game" never really found an audience or perfect time when it's potential could be realized for having people of various skill levels work together. (If you'd like to take a look at it, find a description for it in my other blog: https://franis.blogspot.com (which will open in a new window.) 

    Now I doubt if my Arranger's Game project will ever happen at all again, beyond the story of what has already happened. Because of being a moderator for Rob Braxman Tech channels, now I know what sort of dedication and effort a really new idea requires. Even with work, it's twenty years before an invention can truely reach its potential.

    (That's not including really practical inventions that might be bought out and then shelved by a competitor!)

    Anyway, I hope that you have a chance to convert your procrastinating into some Productive Procrastination!
    Posted by
    Labels: Dialogue evolve ideas motivation personal
    0

    Add a comment

  3. I write by hand quite often.
    Mostly I do so because I enjoy it.     


















    I have numerous hand-written notebooks for many different purposes. Most of these are written small with better letter formations than what you see above, (which is meant to be a storyboard for a more polished presentation) These hand-written books are not merely logs about how much gas mileage I'm using or revisits to the many YouTube videos I've watched that I'd like to remember to talk with someone about later.

    Often, the first thing I do when I get a new little blank book is to put in page numbers, leaving a few pages at the front for a "Table of Contents." Having the book pre-organized in this way allows me to add (random fashion, usually) to the contents of the book - Then I can notate in the front what page and what the subject was I wrote - so I can find it easier later on.

    Currently, I'm adding to a handwritten book about interesting finds and links. Yes, sometimes I do really hand-write the links and titles along with explanations about what they are - so if these videos become become taken off of YouTube, I can often find them later on another platform. Sometimes I paste in pictures and other relevant information in case the links get taken away entirely. 

    I have other books of lists and processes done with thinking skills. Some of these hand-written books I've made are about my own individuation - such as how I come across to strangers at first impression so I can choose how to use common misunderstandings that strangers assume about me. 

    I have made various sorts of "Bucket Lists" for various reasons and purposes, (such as movies and books I might want to check out - or books I get from the library that I might want to check out again.) 

    Some of these hand-written books of mine are written out in multi-colored pens, so the ideas are classified with color coding. 

    I make lists of people I met incidentally and why I connected with them. I have lists of people I met online and how they came to mean something to me. I have lists of people I ran into on Periscope.tv and what I enjoyed about them, with their user names and how to get in touch later through other platforms.

    I made lists of figures of speech, lists of interesting scrabble words and what they mean, collections of strange facts about plants or fruit or places. I made lists about where to find things I might want to locate that I've "hidden in a good spot" from myself.

    Since I was a teenager, I have volumes of pretty much all of my "major decisions" that mostly contain the questions I asked myself when I was thinking about what to do next with my life. Strange how these     questions are often cyclical or perennial. How often these questions get exactly the same answers (using the I Ching) is even more of a coincidence, especially when these questions are duplicated DECADES apart!

    I have handwritten books of collected study notes I've been inspired to write while I read library books or books I borrowed from other people that I had to give back. I found it was a way to put into practice tips and other other good ideas that I wanted to really LEARN that were embedded within the contents of the books. 

    I read fast, so often I'll read a book at my "regular fast" speed, then go back and annotate and study it the second time through. I have outlines of books that I thought had information for me that were so important that they deserved to be annotated. I wanted to be able to use the book's contents for a tool in the course of my life - books on Dialogue skills, on negotiation skills, on communication skills.  For that purpose, they needed outlining, practice and revisiting.

    I have made handwritten books of song lyrics; books that annotate what's inside of long sound files when I recorded practice sessions where song lyrics first happen accidentally from complete inspiration. I have notes about how to make clay ocarinas by hand from scratch that an old roommate used to do who told me step-by-step exactly how.

    I have books of my own poetry, (which doesn't happen that often! But some of those poetic books are even illustrated.) I have books of dreams that lingered after waking, (but those are pretty sloppy in     appearance.)

    I wrote out in various collected little books project outlines I thought I might want to do but haven't gotten around to doing yet - just in case I do want to do them sometimes in the future. I have lists of items I might want to make out of clay that I put thought into designing in original ways if I ever get the access to a kiln...the same involving the use of a 3D printer. (These mostly replacement pieces of plastic that I can't get any other way.)

    I have lists of things to buy if I ever get enough money for them; (currently on that list is an electric fold-up bike.) I have lists of places I'd like to donate to if I ever have so much money that I might wonder what to do with it. 

    I have hand-written books like screen-writing for a video series presentation(s) about concepts related to Alexander Technique. (just am working on a many chapter one on "self-judgment.")  I type these promising series in words to the computer later and correct for "time of arrival" and do the other editing challenges that make them easier to understand, since people cannot read my mind. Using the computer, I complete these ideas; but I often use handwriting to extend them first in situations where I don't have a computer or keyboard so I can work on them at the moment I get the ideas and inspirations for how to express them.

    I have handwritten notes in many books about things I'm learning, such as expressions in Spanish and juicy words to learn. I have hand written books with notes from counseling sessions, random classes, (such as the one I just did on the differences between wills & "living trusts," even though I don't have enough to "fund" a trust.)

    I collect strange health facts perhaps related to someone I know who needs help on the subject. I have hand-written notes from lectures I attended on odd subjects such as Neuroscience experiments or countries I've never heard of previously, just in case I might want to go there someday. 

    Sometimes it's just faster to use a pencil to illustrate what you're designing rather than trying to use words to describe shapes, relationships, colors, relative volumes, what seemed funny or ironic to me...

    Plus, I have drawing books of things, images that I just wanted to hang out and draw because they happened to be there. Many of those are of music performers on stage,  because performers don't object to being looked at long enough to draw them...as being stared at by an artist tends to make strangers feel uncomfortable. 

    Yes, I write by hand quite often. If writing by hand makes you smarter...I'M A GENIUS by now!!
    Posted by
    2

    View comments


  4. WOOFer Warnings

     There are some worldwide hospitality membership clubs that seem to work to forge some interesting scenes. But watch out for the model of accepting temporary work using the "WOOFer" model!

    WOOF stands for "Workers On Organic Farms". It evolved because farmers couldn't pay the prevailing wage to keep its workers there to do the farm work required. So under the promise of teaching people everything they needed to know about how to have their own farm, farmers evolved a sort of "sponsorship" of a time investment for temporary stays in exchange for mentoring people who were considering getting their own farm later in their lives. Essentially, the farmers were supposed to house AND feed their temporary workers, who donated 5-6 hours of work, four or five days a week in exchange for learning how the farm business functioned.

    BUT - this quickly became twisted into "let's exploit travelers and then kick them out when they run out of money" sort of thing. People who merely owned property railroaded this significantly decreased cost of labor to babysit, clean their house, clean up their vacation rental, take care of their goats or other pets such as horses or the cattle they used to retain an Agricultural dedication, etc. These land owners sort of "forgot" that the WOOFers involved were supposed to be getting a model of survival strategies toward a lifestyle change. Turns out to be a big advantage to "forget" how a significant part of the arrangement was mentoring the WOOFer in all aspects of their lifestyle.

    Once this "mentor" feature of the arrangement was forgotten, no teaching of any business or lifestyle model, just have your "WOOFer" babysit and clean up after your vacation rental business at the pay level of  far below whatever you'd need to pay someone who lives there locally. 

    The first feature of the arrangement to dispense with was feeding the WOOFer. To feed someone is actually quite expensive in Hawaii. Food at the grocery store here costs the same as eating from a convenience store on the mainland, a significant increase of what it costs to eat each month just in the cost of food. Not feeding your farm workers the expensive food, (for instance, just giving your workers what falls off your trees at the farm that they were allowed to pick themselves) was a significant "savings" for the farm owner.

    At one point I lived under a roof in an open industrial bay in my own tent as a "night guard" for a tropical fish business. The arrangement with my significant other was him working at minimum wage with the promise of a long-term investment in the business the fish farm never had to deliver on - because who could live for that long on minimum wage in Hawaii? It's impossible to have a car under those circumstances, unless you're also able to fix the car yourself. Plus I had to walk about two miles from where the bus dropped me off to get home or to get to the bus stop.

    For example, in Hawaii, it takes a full time job paying $38.00 an hour to pay a mortgage or rent, health care, schools, car and food.

    Other strategies that alter the original arrangement that I've heard about is to shut off the worker's electrical connection after 7pm, make them live in their tents outside instead of providing a roof.

    Essentially, your workers might leave if they realize they should be making at least $15. per hour and the housing of a place to pitch a tent that the farm is providing them is really worth $250 a month, not the $1000. a month the worker appears to be charged. Doesn't matter if they get Federal Food Stamps of $200 a month, (which not all of them will be able to get because some travelers do not have immigrant status.)

    Whatever your situation as a WOOFer, (even if the arrangement is quite generous) there will eventually come a time when you cannot afford to "donate" your time to the farm after all your money has been spent paying for essentials not covered by your farmer. The point of view of the farm owner is they can always find someone else who will take your place, so why pay you anything more? Even if they really are impressed with the qualities of the work you provide.

    So if you consider "WOOFING," you'd better have a plan of when leave before you cannot afford to travel to and situate yourself at the next place you land.

    Posted by
    0

    Add a comment


  5. Why doesn't "no" mean "no" when a guy propositions a gal?

    Guys don't understand what's going on when a woman is afraid of a man who seems to has the potential to get angry at a woman for rejecting him personally. This is what women are attempting to dodge when they try to reject overtures "politely." This is why "no" is delivered in a way by a woman that doesn't resemble a "real NO."

    For a guy to admit he 'desires" someone or something means he opens himself to disappointment when he is denied or cannot "have" what he expects or figures he 'deserves." But on his end, he doesn't experience that he's putting his expectations onto the woman. He only feels that the woman has the ability to reject him.

    She doesn't really know what she's rejecting, just as he doesn't know her well enough for her to make an offer of intimacy that is all too commonly offered. I've had guys propose marriage to me who don't know me as the first thing they say to me!. But people do not experience their own reactions as originating from themselves. It's all too seductive to imagine it's the other person that is "causing" your own experience.

    Why is "NO" the first urge for people to say?  No communication training...no negotiation training; no "how to use positive reinforcement" training is offered in education, pretty much. Instead the all-popular replacement strategy of "NO" is much too often employed. Then if a little punishment doesn't work, more punishment will work better.

    Where can people learn differently?

    As a young girl, it used to really make me angry how it was always the female's call about when to draw the line at displays of affection and be responsible. (I imagined it was because it's the woman who suffers the risk of pregnancy and not the guy.) What angered me is that this meant that the woman had to shut down her sexuality and deny feeling it. The guy could give his sexuality free rein because it was going to be the woman who drew the line for him. This seemed to me to be really unfair, because it leads to women having to figure out how to re-open their own sexuality when, sometime in the future, it's appropriate for them to rekindle it in the later context of marriage, etc.

    Colleen writes: It would be helpful if men actually realized that, in a dating situation, we don't know you, you are not special to us, you have earned no trust, you are not different to us, etc. If I just met you, you can be NONE of those things to me if I don't know you. It does not mean you are not a good person, you are simply just a stranger. Just because I do not want to screw you does not mean you are less of a man. In fact... not being so pushy about it and being respectful will prove more that you are one. We owe you nothing in this category when you are a stranger or even if you are not.

    Valerie writes: People who think "no" means "convince me" are likely thinking that the fan was brought up to be a 'good girl who shouldn't do things like that' and view smiling and politeness as flirtation. They offer/ask/proposition, get refused and think they just need to be persistent because that's what they'd been taught in the past (like the 50s). I'll refrain from bashing the patriarchy here but it's mostly about upbringing, a sense of entitlement and decades of being told 'all women want this.'

    Brianna writes: I forget what movie I was watching recently but it contained the common trope of 1) Guy asks girl out; is told No, 2) Guy persists and asks girl out in a different way; is told No, 3) Guy persists and asks girl out again after accomplishing the goal of the movie; girl accepts. So maybe it's no big surprise that there is confusion about when a "No" is really "a No."

    What do  you think are factors in this conversation?
    Posted by
    0

    Add a comment


  6. Coming home from college in the mid 1970s, I was riding in the back of the bus at night when I heard a man going through the pockets of a lone sleeping child with a knife, ripping the pockets of the kid's pack and coat. Rather loudly, (which could be explained because of the sound of the bus) I started talking about anything to distract the thief.
    Suddenly, three very large black men moved in behind me, next to and in front of me in the empty seats that were available. One brave guy reached over and woke up the kid, the other verbally confronted the thief, causing him to move away from the kid. The third guy went up and reported what was happening to the bus driver once he saw for himself what was going on. The driver stopped the bus rather suddenly and kicked the thief off.
    I was being all by those large, male black guys - they were AWESOME! Together we stopped a theft. I told them how much I appreciated their support once the thief was gone. They said, "it's only right - you were brave to bring it to our attention." The kid who was riding the bus admitted that he didn't have a place to sleep that night, and was offered a place to stay with the family of one of the black guys.
    Nobody called the cops, who would have gotten there too late to do anything and taken the kid to Youth Authority jail. This happened before cell phones.
    My point is - act! Do something when you see something objectionable happening that you know is wrong! Use your advantages, whatever they are to better the situation - you don't have to be directly confrontational. Others will recognize your intent and they will join you. It seems to only take one "courageous" person to interrupt the "I don't want to get involved" mentality.
    Posted by
    0

    Add a comment

  7. Logic says, "the only time another way is necessary to seek out is when current ways are blocked." I know ways to be more creative. Creative ways are "unexploited alternatives," usually in addition to "tradition." So a creative person looks for alternatives, even when there already exists serviceable answers.

    I found that formally studying thinking skills has been the most useful to me in developing the ability to communicate my creative abilities...and to invite them to happen with others. There are more thinking skills than mere "Critical Thinking." (There's Parallel, Lateral, Strategic and Design thinking, off the top of my head.)



    Many people are defensive about creative ideas - they "defend" against them when the ideas come from other people. Some people, strangely enough, defend against new ideas when they come from themselves! Just because someone hasn't thought of it, doesn't mean a better way of doing things or a new invention is not there waiting to be discovered. One of the ways to present a creative idea: Present the idea in a way so that the people you're trying to convince imagine the new idea is THEIR idea...

    How do we know when a creative solution has happened? Remember, when a creative idea arrives, it's usually funny - laughable funny!

    What might make you more creative is noting moments when you could have an alternative that hasn't occurred to you yet. To get that idea, one of the techniques is to block out a period of time to wonder about it while you do something else that is pretty much - total time-wasting. My name for this is "Productive Procrastinating." Key is to take your "practical deadline" very seriously.

    Our tolerance for unknowns and feeling ambiguity is a BIG factor in our ability to be creative!


    As a treat, I'd like to tell everyone the most creatively useful book I ever read on the subject of creativity. It was written by a photography professor. It's titled "Playful Perception - Choosing How to Experience Your World." By Herbert L Leff, Ph.d. (Waterfront books)

    Turns out that the little exercises in this book apply to changing your attitudes and expanding your ability to see new possibilities toward any purpose you'd like to consider.  (In addition to it's purpose of being better photographer.)  This is another skill creative people use. They can take the lessons of one field and apply it to another field...in ways that seem at first totally unrelated.


    What do you know about that you can apply to another field chosen at random?
    What's your tolerance level for unpredictability and things that are yet to be decided?
    What creative thing have you already done that you're proud of having done?

    Posted by
    0

    Add a comment


  8. The weirdest thing about getting older is...your peer group starts dying. Relationships that have spanned decades suddenly vanish.

    There's a strange routine that happens when people die...and it seems really tragic to me. People recognize how someone dying deserves attention. Every culture offers some recognition of those who are left behind. People feel a responsibility to show up to demonstrate their support...then they leave. It's as if it was a social visit. But it wasn't. It was a wake or a graveside service or a funeral.

    People who are grieving need to be present with those offering them support - not just a visit, but in an ongoing way.     Social mores that require "not making a pest of yourself" would require staying gone for the customary amount of time until the next visit. There are so many ways to grieve, that friends and family often feel awkward offering their help and wonder if they're supposed to "leave alone" the whole issue. They know bringing up the "elephant in the room" will hurt the person, so they more commonly back off.

    Those feeling grief are confused and so often feel awkward initiating contact again with their friends who know they are grieving. So everyone is more often left to suffer alone and isolated...which is probably not so constructive. Perhaps asking for more contact, it's against the customs of what constitutes a "Social Visit?" Somehow the grieving person is supposed to "get over it" in a "reasonable" amount of time. Nobody defines what is "reasonable" about how much time that is.

    It's just not even a necessary suffering. If those who are vulnerable would somehow indicate to their friends they need more contact... Or something like that.

    Posted by
    Labels: bonding emotion friends observations personal psychology relationships time perception touch deprived
    0

    Add a comment


  9. Just so I can attach this to an email...
    Posted by
    0

    Add a comment

  10. I have quite a few friends who are passionate and feel responsible to become activists. I am thankful that questions opened by serious issues have inspired involvement and activism on a whole new level.
    But really, I hate politics. It's an arena where cultural cliche`and manipulation is at its worst. I do not listen to the news on purpose, because of the sensationalism. I regularly impose a "news-fast" state for myself, mostly through music listening - often music without words.

    Becoming burnt out on the subject of politics is the challenge and trap of activism. There exists no verifiable feedback that anything you do really has an effect, because you have only one voice.

    The only drawback with my self-preserving, protective urge to isolate myself and refuse to be involved at all is that it IS interpreted as a sort of silent endorsement or mandate that I accept the prevailing coercive state of affairs. That bothers me.. A huge loss of rights is exactly what happened when the public was lulled into submission that everything was going OK or they just too busy or needed to protect themselves from being concerned with BAD topics. A wake-up call about how bad things have gotten is exactly what has made people riled up now enough to urge others to become politically active. This "riled" state isn't very pleasant - it's angry...it's as if I am the target of an emotion that's just "blowing off" randomly without being directed to whom is really responsible.
    Obviously, this anger/activism needs to be more effectively directed. Really what bugs me about activism on social networking sites like Facebook is people are merely "preachin' to the choir" and imagining they are making some sort of difference = which is EXACTLY what serves whom activists object to who are in power!
    So, as far as politics goes, I prefer to target certain specific issues that involve my deliberately selecting a directed effort. This way, I determine what I will and will not do. AND I'm more likely to really DO those things. My actions that I've very selectively decided to DO then become invested with personal meaning. These actions become for me a symbol of my ability to act as a citizen.
    Then, because I'm in action, I can surrender my hopeful expectations of these actions and just do them as a discipline, without seeking evidence that I am being effective. Because I'm in action, I can protect myself from becoming overwhelmed by the desperate calls to action of my friends who are casting about, trying to DO SoMeTHiNG.
    As an example of an effective action, I like the suggestion: put the numbers of your representatives in your phone, Call them weekly as a discipline, after asking your political mavens to let you know what needs to be complained about. Done.
    ...but it is up to you to decide what actions can have meaning for you, of course.
    I also want to suggest all my activist friends to join www.brax.me. There we can plan our political strategies and interact without being under threat of very REAL public surveillance that exists everywhere else online... Because if activists do start becoming really effective, then you will become a target!



    Posted by
    0

    Add a comment

Blog Archive
Blog Archive
Categories
Categories
Links
Links
Voicebox
Voicebox
Voicebox
About Me
About Me
Loading